maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
