Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
