the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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