HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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