Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
