How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
