When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
