Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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