I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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