so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There r osticjed everywhere
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
