My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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