I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
