That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
