I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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