make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize