out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
