I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
