don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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