How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
