Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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