i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
not ubering you a puppy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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