My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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