Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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