its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
