They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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