Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
