either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
