Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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