You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
