i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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