This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
