I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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