so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
