If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wish there were birth control emojis
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
