so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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