It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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