i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
