you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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