My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
