I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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