our cab driver is having phone sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
