This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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