No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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