I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
