I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
