this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
