Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
