there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
