I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
