so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
