Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
