Non-Jews are for practice
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
