Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
