quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
