i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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