hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
