I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
