i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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